We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
