I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
