All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
