SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
