You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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