It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
