spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
