I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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