imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
