oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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