Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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