it was like his penis was on wheels.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
