I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize