The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
