My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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