I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
