If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
