She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
