Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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