Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
