Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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