Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
