My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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