i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
