I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
