Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
