No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
