I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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