you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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