She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He better not be in your backpack
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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