Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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