He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
