somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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