the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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