i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
