dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
