He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have post one night stand depression
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