Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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