Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
