His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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