I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
