Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
