does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
