I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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