I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
