I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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