I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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