You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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