If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
