is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
COCAINE IS GR8
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
