I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
