On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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