you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
