Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
