I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
