based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
