suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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