He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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