Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
