I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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