"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
