so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
