Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
