I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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