Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
