Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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