o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
