Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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