When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
