am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
