I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
