So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
