how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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