Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
