The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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