He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize